TED英语演讲
给心灵放个假吧！
演讲标题问题：The benefits of not being a jerk to yourself
演讲简介：
在担任美国播送公司新闻主播20多年后，一次空中恐惧袭击将丹·哈里斯的生活推向了一个新的标的目的：他成为了一名专注的冥想者，以至是一位冥想巨匠。但是，他的家人、伴侣和同事却觉得他是个“混蛋”。在此次的演讲中，他分享了他多年来改进与每小我的关系（从本身起头）的勤奋，并阐了然慈善冥想背后的科学原理，以及它对人韧性的进步方面的才能。
中英文字幕
A few years ago, I signed up for something called a 360 review.
几年前，我报名参与了一场“360度评估”。
If you've ever worked in the corporate world, you probably have heard of this diabolical exercise.
假设你在业界工做过，就应该传闻过那种反常活动。
It's an anonymous survey with your bosses, peers and direct reports.
那是一种让你的老板、同事和曲属上司参与的匿名查询拜访问卷，
And the idea is to get a panoramic sense of your strengths and weaknesses.
为了全面领会你的强项和弱项。
I opted for the colonoscopy version of a 360 review.
我报名的是360度评估的“肠镜”版本。
Which included my wife, my brother and two of my meditation teachers.
包罗了我的太太、兄弟和两个冥想教师。
In all, 16 people gave hour-long confidential interviews.
总计16人参与了为期一小时的保密摘访。
And I was then handed a 39-page report brimming with blind quotes.
然后我收到了一份39页长的陈述，充满了匿名留言。
I can tell you're looking forward to hearing the results.
我看得出你们很想听听成果。
Sadists.
你们就喜好被虐是不是？
But I'm going to make you wait a second.
但是你们得等一会儿。
Because I should give you a little background on me.
因为我要略微介绍一下我本身。
I used to be an anchorman.
我以前是一名主持人。
I worked at ABC News for 21 years.
我在ABC新闻工做了21年。
It was a very stressful job.
压力十分大。
In fact, I had a panic attack live on the air in 2004 while delivering some otherwise mundane headlines.
2004年，我在曲播时急性焦虑症爆发，其时我正在播报一些日常新闻。
The good news is that my nationally televised freakout ultimately led me to meditation, which I had actually long rejected as ridiculous.
好动静是此次全国曲播的惊慌表示最末把我指引上了冥想之路，此前我不断认为冥想太离谱了。
I was raised by a pair of atheist scientists.
我的父母都是无神论者。
I'm a fidgety, skeptical guy.
我是一个烦躁多疑的人。
And that kind of led me to unfairly lump meditation in with aura readings, vision boards and dolphin healing.
所以我不断带有成见地认为冥想就是气场解读、愿景板、海豚治疗之类的工具。
But the practice really helped me with my anxiety and depression.
但是冥想确实搀扶帮助我缓解了焦虑和抑郁。
And so my goal became to make meditation attractive to my fellow skeptics by ditching the New Age cliches and liberally using the f-word.
因而，我的目标酿成了让我的多疑同伴们都对冥想产生兴致，从不再利用时髦语和问候家人起头。
To my great surprise, this unorthodox approach turned me into a quasi self-help guru.
令我惊异的是，那种非支流的办法让我成为了一个准自救巨匠。
And a few years into this trip, I decided that I wanted to get a sense of whether my inner work was having outer results, you know?
冥想了几年以后，我决定要搞大白我的内在改动有没有产生什么外在功效。
Was meditation making me a nicer person?
冥想有没有让我酿成一个更好的人？
And that's why I signed up for the 360.
所以我报名参与了360度评估。
And now I will tell you about the results.
我如今能够告诉你们成果了。
The first 13 pages were dedicated to my sterling qualities.
前13页赞誉了我的优良操行。
People talked about how hardworking and intelligent I was.
人们说我很勤奋，很伶俐。
Many also said meditation had made me more caring.
也有良多人说冥想让我更善解人意了。
But then came 26 pages of beatdown.
紧接着就是26页的泼冷水。
The first blow was that some reviewers noted that I had a penchant for being rude to junior staffers, which was deeply embarrassing.
第一击就是有的反应者说我老是对初级人员很粗暴，我觉得太丢人了。
But it only got worse.
但是剩下的更不胜进目。
I was called emotionally guarded, a diva and an authoritarian.
有人说我防备心重、脾气暴戾、专制主义。
I don't know why that's funny.
有啥好笑的。
Some people even questioned my motives for promoting meditation.
以至有些人量疑我妥帖冥想的动机。
It got so bad that at one point my wife, who was reading it with me, got up and went to the bathroom and cried.
展天盖地的量疑让我太太在和我一路看那些评论的时候，起身走往洗手间哭抽泣。
I think for me the most painful part was realizing that the aspects of my personality,
对我来说最痛苦的一点是我最为之耻辱、
that I was most ashamed of and had really tried to hide were in fact on full display for everybody.
最想隐躲的一部门性格特量，其实对所有人昭然若揭。
And those included my two most prominent and problematic demons: anger and self-centeredness.
包罗我性格中最显著、最恶劣的两个恶魔：愤慨和以自我为中心。
Sorry.
欠好意思。
I've never talked about this publicly before.
我之前从没在稠人广众下说过那个。
Thank you.
谢谢。
I thought we weren't supposed to applaud authoritarians here at TED.
我还认为TED的看寡不会给专制者拍手呢。
Bottom line, meditation had helped, for sure.
至少有一点，冥想确实有感化。
But I clearly retained the capacity to be a schmuck.
我那么说绝对不代表我是个傻子。
And I am not alone in this.
我也不是独一一个有那种觉得的人。
All kinds of bad behavior have been on the rise.
各类陋习都在消逝。
Reckless driving, unruly airline passengers, violent crime, online bullying, workplace incivility, tribal antagonism, even general self-centeredness.
乱开车、暴躁的乘机旅客、暴力立功、网暴、职场不文明行为、族群敌对，以至是常见的自我中心。
At times, it can really feel like our social fabric is unraveling.
有时我们实的能够觉得到社会关系正在缓和。
So after my 360, I decided to do some work on myself and to see if I could also learn some things that, by extension, might help the species.
在我的360度评估之后，我决定改动本身，看看能不克不及通过进修一些工具惠及全人类。
I pulled every lever at my disposal.
我竭尽所能大展拳脚，
I did psychotherapy, communications coaching, bias training, couples counseling and more.
处置了心理治疗、交换批示、成见操练、婚姻调和等等工做。
And while I was really grateful to be able to do all of this stuff and all of it helped,
固然我十分感恩能够做那些工做，那些工做也确实让人们受益，
I was still finding myself too often getting selfish or snippy.
但是我仍是觉得本身老是会很无私或者暴躁。
So I signed up for a nine-day silent retreat where I would practice a kind of meditation that has been shown to boost your capacity for warmth.
所以我报名参与了一个为期9日的静修营，于此我操练了一种冥想体例，能够加强你心里的温热，
It's called loving-kindness, which, as you might imagine, sounded to me like Valentine's Day with a gun to my head.
名为“慈祥”，你能够想象出对我来说，听起来就像在恋人节拿枪指着我的脑袋。
But I was in it to win it.
但是我势在必行。
I really wanted to be a nicer person.
我实的想成为一个更好的人。
I kept getting tripped up though.
固然一路磕磕绊绊，
Because the woman who was running the retreat, my teacher, her name is Spring Washam.
因为静修营的营长，我的教师斯普林·瓦沙姆对峙说，
She kept insisting that if I wanted to be less of a jerk to other people, I needed to start by being less of a jerk to myself,
假设我想在其别人眼里显得不那么混蛋，我就先得不那么混蛋地对本身。
which I thought was the kind of thing you hear from Instagram influencers and spin instructors, so...
我觉得那就是网红和健身锻练会和你说的话，所以……
And she even went so far as to suggest that when I saw my demons emerging in meditation, I should put my hand on my heart and say to myself, It's OK, sweetie.
她以至还和我定见假设在冥想过程中看到了恶魔，我该把手放在胸口，对本身说：“没事的，宝宝。
I'm here for you.
我会陪着你。”
Hard pass.
没门儿。
Pasadena.
绝对不可。
I was not going to do that.
我才不要那么做。
But over the ensuing days of nonstop meditation, I did notice that my twin demons were in full effect.
但是在接下来几天不连续的冥想中，我确实发现我的两个恶魔在上蹿下跳。
My anger had me rehearsing glorious, expletive-filled speeches I would deliver to my boss about the various promotions I deserved.
我的愤慨让我用华贵又脏话连篇的辞藻向我的老板要求应得的晋升。
My self-centeredness had me writing my own five-star Amazon reviews for my various books, praising my elegant prose and rugged good looks.
我的自我中心使我为本身写的书在亚马逊网站留下五星好评，赞誉我的斑斓行文和豪宕文风。
And in the face of all of this roostering and rage, I layered on an avalanche of self-criticism.
那种大吹大擂和暴躁易怒的行为引发了我自我责备的怒潮。
I told myself a whole story about how I was an incurably self-obsessed, cranky monster who had cloven hooves and a retractable jaw.
我给本身展示了我是一个多么无可救药的暴躁自恋狂，和面目狰狞的恶魔一样。
After about five or six days of drinking from this fire hose, I caved.
承受了五六天的疯狂灌注贯注后，我妥协了。
Mid-meditation, I put my hand on my heart.
冥想半途，我把手放在胸口。
And while I definitely was not going to call myself sweetie, I did silently say to myself, It's all good.
我必定不会喊本身“宝宝”，但是我静静地对本身说：“没问题的。
Dude, I know this sucks.
兄弟，我晓得觉得不太好。
But I've got you.
但是我会撑持你。”
This was very strange and embarrassing.
那太希罕，太耻辱了。
But in this moment, I had an epiphany.
但是此时此刻，我悟了。
I realized that my demons were actually just ancient, fear-based neurotic programs, probably injected into me by the culture, by my parents.
我发现我的恶魔其实是从小由惧怕而起的“神经病”，也许是文化、父母灌注贯注给我的。
And they were trying to help me.
那些恶魔是想帮我。
It was the organism trying to protect itself.
它们有侵占机造。
And when I stopped fighting them, they calmed down for a few seconds.
假设我舍弃对抗它们了，它们就会消停一会儿。
I didn't have to slay them.
我不需要征服它们。
I just had to give them a high five.
我只需要勇猛承受它们。
And this counterintuitive extension of warmth was not, I realized, it was not indulgent.
我发现那种生长出来的违背曲觉的温热的觉得并非肆意蔓延的。
It was radical disarmament.
那是一种让人彻底卸下防备的体例。
Here's the way I think about this.
我是那么想的。
At any given moment, we humans have two choices or two spirals that are available to us.
在某个特定的时刻，我们人类面前有两个抉择，或者说是两种旋涡。
The first is what my friend Evelyn Tribole calls the toilet vortex.
第一种，我的伴侣伊芙琳·特里波称之为“马桶旋涡”。
The reason why this looks childish and ridiculous is that I drew it myself.
那张图看起来有点稚嫩搞笑是因为那是我本身画的。
It's OK, sweetie.
没事的，宝宝。
You're good at so many other things.
你还擅长做良多此外事。
I probably shouldn't make fun of the thing I'm going to try to get you to do, but...
我不该该调侃我想让你们做的事，但是……
The toilet vortex might start like this.
马桶旋涡起头会是如许。
You're picking on yourself.
你会对本身挑三拣四。
Because you don't like the way you look in the mirror.
因为你不喜好镜中的本身。
You're unhappy with your level of productivity or you have failed to achieve ketosis, whatever.
你对本身的消费力不称心，你没达成生酮减肥目标等等。
And then you take that out on other people and then you are feeling more miserable, and then down you go.
然后再加之于别人，就会觉得更蹩脚，于是进进了旋涡。
The vastly superior alternative is what I call the cheesy upward spiral.
有一个好得多的情状，我称之为“油腻”上升旋涡。
This one was drawn by a professional.
那张可是由专业人士绘造的。
As your inner weather gets balmier, because you've learned how to high-five your demons, that shows up in your relationships with other people.
你的心里感应愈加安然平静之时，那是因为你学会了若何承受你的恶魔，也会表现在与别人的关系之中。
And because relationships are probably the most important variable when it comes to human flourishing,
人际关系能够说是事关人类富贵的最重要的变量，
your inner weather improves even further and up you go.
你的心里大大改进了关系，然后你就起飞了。
And that is the whole point here.
那就是我要说的重点。
Self-love, properly understood, not as narcissism, but as having your own back, is not selfish.
自尊自爱，对本身有优良认知，而非自恋，撑持你本身，其实不代表无私。
It makes you better at loving other people.
你就会更擅长关爱别人。
And the flip side of this was on full display in my 360.
我的360度评估展现的是完全就是反例。
All the ways in which I was torturing myself showed up in my relationships with other people.
我熬煎本身的种种行为产生的恶果表现在了我的人际关系上。
And as those relationships suffered, so did I.
那些人很痛苦，我也很痛苦。
Taken together, my two excellent drawings represent a kind of amateur unified field theory of love.
总而言之，我的两幅杰做展现了我粗浅的关于爱的集大成理论，
I call it Me, A Love Story.
我称之为“我，爱的故事”。
That's a deliberately ridiculous name.
我有意起了那么一个好笑的名字。
But I am actually pretty serious about using the word love.
但是我可是正儿八经地在用“爱”那个词。
Granted, it's a confusing term.
诚然，那个词有点模糊不清。
Because we use it to apply to everything from our spouses to our children to gluten-free snickerdoodles.
因为我们把什么都喊做“爱”，我们的配头、孩子、无麸量曲奇。
But I am comfortable embracing the broadness of the term.
但是我很能承受那个词的普遍含义。
I consider love to be anything that falls within the human capacity to care, a capacity wired deeply into us via evolution.
我认为爱就是任安在人类关爱才能范畴之内的工具，那种才能自古以来深进骨髓。
It's our ability to care, cooperate and communicate that has allowed Homo sapiens to thrive.
我们关爱、协做、交换的才能，让我们人类生生不息。
And it is a failure to exercise that muscle.
我认为没有操纵那些才能。
It is a lack of love that I think is at the root of our most pressing problems, from inequality to violence to the climate crisis.
欠缺爱，才是一些迫在眉睫的问题的根源，无论是不服等、暴力，仍是天气危机。
Obviously, these are all massive problems that are going to require massive structural change.
显然，那些大规模的问题必需要有大规模的轨制改动。
But at a baseline they also require us to care about one another.
但是至少，它们促使我们互相关爱。
And it is harder to do that when you're stuck in a ceaseless spiral of self-centered self-flagellation.
假设你深陷自我中心、自我熬煎的无限漩涡中，就更难做到那点。
Thank you.
谢谢。
So I guess what I'm trying to say here is there's a geopolitical case for you to get your shit together.
所以我想说的一点是你得收棱起来，否则你还会“祸及”世界。
And the massively empowering news is that love is not an unalterable factory setting.
一个振奋人心的好动静是爱并非一个无法调剂的硬性设定。
It is a skill that you can train.
你能够磨练爱的才能。
It's actually a family of skills.
爱包罗了良多才能。
After my 360, I learned a whole bunch of practices for upping my love game.
在360度评估之后，我进修了良多体例，进步爱的才能，
And I'm going to share two with you right now that I think would be very easy to integrate into your life.
我如今能够给你们分享此中两个，十分适用于你的生活。
The first is to boot up a practice of loving-kindness meditation.
第一，测验考试慈祥冥想。
I should say that it does not require you to subscribe to some fancy metaphysical program.
你纷歧定要报名参与一些花里胡哨的形而上学活动，
And it shouldn't take up too much time.
也不会花良多的时间。
Maybe a few minutes a couple of times a week to start.
也许从每周屡次几分钟起头。
The instructions are really simple.
规则很简单。
Find a reasonably quiet place.
找一个平静的处所。
Assume a comfortable position, close your eyes and begin by envisioning a really easy person.
找一个平静的姿势，闭上眼睛，想象一个和你关系不错的人。
Maybe a good friend, maybe a pet.
能够是你的伴侣，你的宠物。
And then you repeat in your mind four phrases.
然后在脑海中反复那四个词组：
May you be happy.
“愿你快乐。
May you be safe.
愿你平安。
May you be healthy.
愿你安康。
May you live with ease.
愿你安适。”
After you've generated a little warmth, you do a bait-and-switch and move onto yourself.
在产生了一些温热之后，你能够把目光转向你本身。
Once again, you conjure the image and send the phrases.
再来一次，想象画面，默念词组。
After that, it's on to a mentor, somebody who's helped you in your life.
然后想象一个导师，在你的人生中赐与你搀扶帮助的人。
Then a neutral person, somebody you might overlook.
然后是一个无关痛痒的人，可能你会漠视的人。
Then a difficult person, probably not hard to find.
然后是一个厌恶的人，应该不难找。
And then we finish with all beings everywhere.
然后我们就着眼全人类了。
To some of you, this may seem forced and treacly.
也许对一些人来说，那太强迫了，还有点恶心。
But it's worth noting that the research shows that this practice has physiological,
但是值得重视的是，研究表白那个过程会产生心理上、
psychological and even behavioral benefits.
心理上，以至是行为上的好处。
The other practice I'm going to recommend is to start consciously counterprogramming against your inner critic.
我还想选举另一个体例，就是有意识地按捺你对本身的吐槽。
Next time you notice yourself going down the toilet, if nobody's looking,
下次你往洗手间的时候，假设四下无人，
put your hand on your heart and talk to yourself the way you would talk to a good friend.
你就能够把手放在胸口，像和一个好伴侣说话一样喃喃自语。
For ambitious people, this may be a little scary.
对“硬汉”性格的人来说，那可能有点吓人。
You might fear it's going to erode your edge.
你可能会觉得那太没体面了。
But research shows that this process of replacing your sadistic inner tyrant with a supportive inner coach,
但是研究表白，那个过程——放弃骂骂咧咧的事儿精，抉择撑持你的锻练，
who has high standards but is not a jerk about it,
它可能会高原则，但绝不是个混蛋，
makes you more likely to reach your goals.
会让你更有可能达成目标。
Now, I will cop to the fact that even though I've now retired from my job as a news man and am a full-time meditation evangelist,
我想说一个情状，固然我做为一个新闻人已经退休了，如今是一个全职的冥想妥帖人。
I still go down the toilet on the regular.
我仍是会时不时陷进马桶旋涡。
But I'm much more likely to access the upward spiral these days.
但是比来，我进进上升旋涡的频次增加了。
In fact, three years after my 360, I got another one.
在我参与360度评估的三年后，我又参与了一次。
Because I never learn.
因为我不长记性。
And this one was way different.
此次就判然不同了。
People gushed about how much I had changed as a friend and a mentor and a colleague.
人们纷繁表达我做为伴侣、导师、同事，改动得太多了。
They talked about specific meetings where I used to be a prosecutor and was now delightful.
他们还提到了一些会议，以前我会是不可一世的“查察官”，而如今让人愉悦。
One person said: His ego is shrinking,
一小我说道：“他的自傲削减了。”
which I think was a compliment.
我觉得是在夸我。
And another person said: He’s finding his heart,
还有一小我说：“他找到了心之所向。”
which the new me let pass.
洗心革面的我就不追查那句了。
After she finished reading, my wife turned to me and said: Congratulations, now you're boring.
我的太太看完之后和我说：“恭喜你成为了一个无聊的人。”
I'm hoping that was a joke.
但愿那只是打趣话。
Because in my opinion, upping your love game is anything but boring.
因为我认为进步爱的才能绝对不是无聊的。
It's countercultural because it cuts against the never-enoughness and always-behindness that society seems to want us to feel.
那与我们的文化相反，因为它与社会想让我们学会的得寸进尺和畏畏缩缩各走各路。
It's courageous because it's hard to look at your demons.
那需要很大的勇气，因为曲视恶魔不是一件易事。
And it's happiness-producing because when you high-five your demons, they don't own you as much.
那会让你心生愉悦，因为当你承受恶魔的时候，它们就会少占据一点你的身体。
And all of that makes you more generous and more available.
那些都能让你襟怀更宽广、更开放。
If that sounds grandiose or touchy-feely to you, let me put it to you another way.
假设你觉得听起来太浩荡，或者有点虚张声势，我也能够那么说。
The view is so much better when you pull your head out of your ass.
假设你不叽叽歪歪，赶紧收棱起来，世界会更美妙。
Thank you very much.
谢谢。
注：视频、演讲稿均来源于TED官网
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